They'd Never Say That!
by Nightly Halo
Summary: A fun crack list of things Naruto Characters would never, EVER say in the series....or would they? Oo?  WARNING! crack....xD...and some uh...bad puns.... ]


**A/N: **A list of things Naruto Characters would never say

**Disclaimer:** I didn't make this list

* * *

**They'd Never Say That!**

WARNING!: crackidy, crack, crack...

* * *

**Asuma**

╥ "I love you Kurenai! Will you marry me"  
╥ "I quit smoking a month ago."

**Choji**

╥ "No thanks Shino. I'm not hungry"  
╥ "I lost 300 pounds on the subway diet"  
╥ "Oooooh no! Not another bite"  
╥ "I only lost 100 pounds on the Atkins diet"  
╥ "Does this outfit make me look fat?"

**Gai**

╥ "That's it! I'm shaving these ugly eyebrows."

**Gaara**

╥ "I hate sand! I think I'm allergic to it"  
╥ "Temari and Kankurou, why don't we get along"  
╥ "Hold on! There is sand in my eye"  
╥ "Who needs a hug?"

**Haku**

╥ "I hate you Zabuza... shove it"  
╥ "Wow! I make a pretty good looking girl... pass the lip stick please."

**Hidan**

╥ "Ahhh!! I think I broke a nail"  
╥ "I don't feel like praying today."

**Hinata**

╥ "I love you Neji"  
╥ "Naruto! I hate your way of the ninja! It doesn't work on me!"

**Ino**

╥ "Who cares about looks"  
╥ "Eww... I hate purple."

**Itachi**

╥ "I'm so weak. I wish I wasn't such a woman"  
╥ "Violence isn't necessary; can't we all just get along"  
╥ "I want my mommy"  
╥ "I did NOT have incest with Sasuke"  
╥ "I miss my family"  
╥ "Hey Kisame, do you think pink nails would match me better"  
╥ "Sasuke, no hug for a family member?"

**Jiraiya**

╥ "Oh man! Not another naked chick"  
╥ "Do you guys think of anything besides women"  
╥ "Ahh the fourth was not anything special"  
╥ "That's right. I'm a virgin and proud of it"  
╥ "I, Jiraiya, solemnly swear never to look at another boob"  
╥ "I love big butts and I can not lie"  
╥ "I've never looked at porn"  
╥ "The internet is not for porn. It's for educational purposes"  
╥ "You are young. You are free. Why don't you sleep with me?"

**Kabuto**

╥ "I never told Orochimaru that he kinda looks like a girl"

╥ "Oh why did I never finish the Ninja Academy"  
╥ "I think Shizune likes me" 

**Kakashi**

╥ "I think I'm going to show up for training early today"  
╥ "Man, my partners died.. oh well better them than me"  
╥ "I'm too lazy to choose the color of my mask today"  
╥ "Naruto! You could read my Come Come Paradise"  
╥ "Do I save my comrades or finish the mission? Oh, screw this, I'll just kill my comrades and finish it myself."

**Kankurou**

╥ "Hey Gaara, can I build a sand castle with your sand"  
╥ "Puppets are kinda boring; I think I'm going to be a ventriloquist instead"  
╥ "To tell you the truth, puppets kind of freak me out"  
╥ "Oh my dollies look so pretty today."

**Kiba**

╥ "You're a bad dog, Akamaru"  
╥ "I think I'm allergic to dogs"  
╥ "I want a cat"  
╥ "AKAMARU! WHAT DID I TELL YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I FOUND OUT YOU PEED ON THE RUG!? -Brings Akamaru outside with a shotgun-"

**Kisame**

╥ "Gaassp, I can't breath"  
╥ "Hey guys, let's go to a fish buffet for dinner!"

**Konohamaru**

╥ "Naruto! You're a bad leader! I'm going to look for Sasuke!"

**Kakuzu**

╥ "You guys are so obsessed with money! Don't you fight for anything else?"

**Naruto**

╥ "Shut up, Sakura I don't want to be Hokage today"  
╥ "I don't like ramen! Let's eat tofu"  
╥ "I hate the color orange"  
╥ "I love you Neji."

**Neji**

╥ "I love you more Hinata."

**Orochimaru**

╥ "Ok, lets pretend I'm straight for one minute"  
╥ "I have one more snake that you haven't seen, Sasuke"  
╥ "I'm the guy who did Michael Jackson's plastic surgery."

**Rock Lee**

╥ "Hey Gai-Sensei! Can I enter a ninjutsu contest"  
╥ "Gai, stop hugging little boys and get a girlfriend"  
╥ "Sakura, does nothing appease you"  
╥ "Sakura, you are so ugly. I hate girls with pink hair"  
╥ "Sorry Gaara, I stole your eyebrows"  
╥ "Gai, I'm done with these spandex; it's really causing me to itch now."

**Sakura**

╥ "Screw this, this ninja thing ain't for me. I just wanted to be near Naruto"  
╥ "Damn Sasuke, you're even uglier than I am"  
╥ "Damn Sasuke get a hair cut."

**Sasuke**

╥ "I'm sorry Itachi. I don't feel like fighting today"  
╥ "You know, I'll stop hunting Itachi. I think I'll just enjoy life and marry Sakura"  
╥ "Naruto, I love you. You are much more than a brother to me"  
╥ I'm not emo. Breaks into song I walk a lonely road, the only road that I have ever known. Cuts wrists Don't know where it go... passes out

**Shikamaru**

╥ "I'm sooo hyper. Lets run laps around Kohana for a hour"  
╥ "Ino I hate you; you're such a bitch. Yet you're so hot marry me"  
╥ "Whats 1+1?"

**Shizune**

╥ "Tsunade-sama, I don't wanna work for you anymore!"

**Shino**

╥ "Oh my god, did you see the size of that bug"  
╥ "Eww... get that thing out of your mouth you don't know were it has been"  
╥ A bug! A bug! Get it off me! Get it off me!  
╥ HAHAHAHAHA!

**Temari**

╥ "This damn fan is really starting to get heavy."

**The Third Hokage**

╥ "This village sucks. I'm moving to Hawaii."

**Tsunade**

╥ "I hate being young. I wish I didn't have this jutsu going" ╥ "Mmmmm grubs slimy yet satisfying"  
╥ "Gambling is horrible. I'll pick up a better hobby like collecting shells"  
╥ "I am NOT a total whore"  
╥ "God I'm glad that Dan creep died. I swear he was stalking me"  
╥ "Shizune, do you think I am flat-chested"  
╥ "They call it HO-kage for a reason!"

* * *

**  
**

**A/N:**...yeah...they'd never say that...or would they? Oo?


End file.
